LETTER TO KING FLYNN 11/23/2011
My Leige, What a poor respondent I’ve been. How ashamed I am for not making time to write to you the last several weeks. My schooling has been taking up a great deal of my time and for the first time ever I actually sorta kinda give a shit about getting my school work done. Incredible, this feeling is. I am utterly heartbroken that I will not be seeing your wonderful mug this week....
A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.– Elbert Hubbard
LETTER FROM KING FLYNN 10/17/11
My Dear Queen, The sky has issued forth a blanket of diamond dust the likes of which I have seen few times before. That’s all I can focus on for now. My survival does not, however, seem to hang in the balance at this very moment. Do stay safe back home. Remember to bring your knights along as escorts if need be. Bewilderedly, King Flynn
LETTER FROM KING FLYNN 9/26/11
Dearest Queen, I am writing to you in a state of only mild distress. And by mild distress, I mostly mean “fever-induced headache that makes me act like a sleepy five-year-old.” I’m not sure how it came upon me, but I have indeed come into possession of one filthy wench of a headache. Aside from this minor discomfort, all goes well in my corner of the Kingdom. It seems that...
LETTER FROM QUEEN DOLORES 9/11/11
Dearest King, How miserable and unfortunate your journey was. I send you my deepest and most sincere apologies for such a royally (haha) screwed up misadventure. This old hag who weaves such a grievous tale must be hexed. Or banished, or executed (or whatever royalty would do). But remember you are strong and brave. This is why you are king, of course. Your journey for art supplies is far from...
Letter From King Flynn 9/10/11
My Dearest Queen, Allow me to weave for you a brief tale of woe. A tapestry of heartache, so to speak. A tapestry woven by a little old lady whose fingers bled as she constructed this masterpiece of misery, chuckling to herself the whole while about how funny it would be to give this tapestry to a king for his great hall without him realizing that it was inked in with her wretched blood. Today...
zachgalifianaptime-deactivated2 asked: love y'all's tats! missin ya both
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A quick Correspondence between Monarchs
This is a brief sample of our most recent conversation, conveyed by extremely fast messenger hawks. Seriously, these are royally-bred birds of prey. They fly fast. Really fast. So fast. You don't even get it.
King Flynn: arctic survival class doesn't start till late october
Queen Dolores: I was about to ask why the arctic class started so late
and then I realized that the weather wouldn't allow for a proper learning environment until then... haha
King Flynn: Yep
And it's my farthest class, too
Queen Dolores: how far?
King Flynn: Not exactly sure, but it's basically on the very edge of campus
Queen Dolores: suckssss
King Flynn: Whatever, gives me time to feel awesome on my way to class
Queen Dolores: haha
best possible way to look at it
King Flynn: That's how I live my life
Queen Dolores: So great
King Flynn: I find the best possible way to look at everything
It got me through high school
Queen Dolores: yeah
there's always some good in one situation or another really
King Flynn: Yep
Unless you're getting raped by a dinosaur
Queen Dolores: yeah
King Flynn: that one's a little hard to find a bright side of
Queen Dolores: but I mean... if you get pregnant... then you have human-dinosaur hybrid babies
let's face it
That may not be soooo bad
King Flynn: Okay
But for me, that;s a little less likely
My complete, utter, and total lack of ovaries
Or a uterus
Queen Dolores: if it were a female dinosaur raping you, then you could get her pregnant
King Flynn: But she'd get all protective of them and get dinosaur custody
Which is basically "if you get near these kids I will fucking eat you alive and feed you to them"
And that kinda sucks
I like not being eaten
Queen Dolores: fuck man
those custody rulings always fuck over the man
King Flynn: Dude
Tell me about it
I'm not even allowed to see my merchildren except on weekends
I also can't breathe underwater long enough to spend quality time with them on our weekends together
Fucking merpeople courts
And I have to pay child support in the form of killing off the crews of all the small fishing vessels that go near that little cove
I mean seriously
I fucking murder for those kids
You'd think they'd let me actually spend time with them
Queen Dolores: assholes
why doesn't anyone understand?
When will people open their goddamn eyes?
You're just doing your fatherly duties!
King Flynn: And you just know that if they get eaten by sharks, that glubbity bitch will blame it on me. I seriously need to ditch the alias I used when I had those kids and get away. They can't follow me on land.
Which is why I moved to Fairbanks
In case that wasn't clear
Queen Dolores: Went into Merwitness protection? Goddamn
I knew it
King Flynn: More like
LETTER FROM QUEEN DOLORES 9/3/11
Dearest King, You are missed here in the burning hell-hole (triple digit weather, and it’s SEPTEMBER) that our once beautiful Austin, Texas has become. How hot it is here, how thirsty the barren land is. Nevermind that, though. I am sincerely proud of your rock climbing badass-ery and I find it to be yet another example of your general greatness. It is no surprise to me that you managed to...
Letter from King Flynn: 9/3/11
To My Queen Dolores, All is well in the Kingdom of Fairbanks, Alaska. The first few days of my adventure have been exhilarating. After familiarizing myself with the locale and my new living quarters, I set to the task of embarking on my initial educational adventures, the first of which being Beginning Rock Climbing. Child’s play as far as this Monarch of Cool is concerned. Upon revealing...