King Flynn and Queen Dolores: Monarchy of Cool

LETTER TO KING FLYNN 11/23/2011

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 12:45:33 -0500

My Leige,

What a poor respondent I’ve been. How ashamed I am for not making time to write to you the last several weeks.

My schooling has been taking up a great deal of my time and for the first time ever I actually sorta kinda give a shit about getting my school work done. Incredible, this feeling is.

I am utterly heartbroken that I will not be seeing your wonderful mug this week. As you return back to the wondrous, bountiful land of Texas, I will be departing to the Natural State of Arkansas to visit my aunt. How miserable it is knowing we will barely miss each other. But upon your next return to the Lone Star state, we will bro it up like there’s no tomorrow.

I have been working harder and harder on my photography lately. I may be putting a bit too much pressure on myself, but the best fruits of our labors are the ones we work hardest for, amirite?

I greatly enjoyed the images of snow and cattle you posted previously. It was most entertaining.

We will skype and be merry soon, my lord.

I give you my best wishes and hopes for delicious birds. Happy Thanksgiving buddy/King!

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 12:36:00 -0500

““A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.””

-

Elbert Hubbard

LETTER FROM KING FLYNN 10/17/11

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:57:13 -0400

My Dear Queen,

The sky has issued forth a blanket of diamond dust the likes of which I have seen few times before. That’s all I can focus on for now. My survival does not, however, seem to hang in the balance at this very moment.

Do stay safe back home. Remember to bring your knights along as escorts if need be.

Bewilderedly,

King Flynn

Our messenger hawks are so awesome. They even deliver...

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 02:25:00 -0400

Large Mammals. Remarkable!

Gander at those magnificent horns!

Good heavens these beasts are large!

A truly beautiful specimen.

Our messenger hawks are so awesome. They even deliver tapestries.

LETTER FROM KING FLYNN 9/26/11

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 02:21:05 -0400

Dearest Queen,

I am writing to you in a state of only mild distress. And by mild distress, I mostly mean “fever-induced headache that makes me act like a sleepy five-year-old.” I’m not sure how it came upon me, but I have indeed come into possession of one filthy wench of a headache.

Aside from this minor discomfort, all goes well in my corner of the Kingdom. It seems that frost has begun to make morningly appearances, and by all reports the land will soon begin to see and become blanketed by a powdery white substance known in these parts as “snow.” This is, of course, an anomalous weather phenomenon that I intend to investigate thoroughly. Reports forthcoming once the phenomenon begins to take place, naturally.

In recent escapades, I managed to go out and see some of the local wildlife at a research station. I am now more or less acquainted with the local tame populations of caribou and muskoxen. I took the liberty of performing some photographic (imagine, if you will, a loom-type device that captures live images and immediately records them on a sort of tapestry; quite remarkable, really) reconnaissance, which will also be forthcoming. As in, within minutes after I have sent this letter by hawk.

I will remain stalwart in my stand against the natural obstacles this land continues to throw at me. Until next time, I bid thee a royal farewell.

Majestically Yours,

King Flynn

LETTER FROM QUEEN DOLORES 9/11/11

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 14:41:25 -0400

Dearest King,

How miserable and unfortunate your journey was. I send you my deepest and most sincere apologies for such a royally (haha) screwed up misadventure. This old hag who weaves such a grievous tale must be hexed. Or banished, or executed (or whatever royalty would do). But remember you are strong and brave. This is why you are king, of course. Your journey for art supplies is far from over, as it’s always darkest before dawn in these times of woe.

Aside from your misfortune, it seems you are doing well otherwise. I cannot wait until I am able to see your climbing skills first hand! It will be a joyous occasion, indeed. Crack climbing sounds rather intense. You’re going to be royally buff and studly.

On the home front, things have been quite strange. Our lovely city and the surrounding inhabitants were greatly affected by the wildfires. It was a complete shock. The city as a whole is doing its best to find means to serve those affected. Many homes were lost and it was truly tragic. As you may know, my mother works very close to Steiner Ranch, but luckily the business was spared by a simple change in winds. During the week, the downtown area looked so hazy, as though a massive cloud hung over it. How sad it is.

Good news from myself though, I started my first project for my major (Photocommunications). I’m taking photos based solely on different types of lighting using a 35mm camera. It’s pretty exciting. I love the facilities my campus offers. The dark rooms and processing equipment are truly fit for a Queen such as myself.

I also managed to get myself a royally hunky beau named Roberto. He is quite the stunner. So that’s cool. I’ve also become really good friends with a lovely lady by the name of Deanna, who is also a PHCO major. She’s pretty legit, and extremely talented. The three of us attended a lovely party that the university held on campus known as Hillfest. It was quite a joy, including free carnival rides, food, and tee-shirts. I’ll try and post some images later.

On another note, I went to our high school yesterday to see The Beauty Queen of Leenane. I became rather nostalgic, really, especially since this time a year ago we were in a play about, yes, people in 911. How strange it all is. How much we’ve grown. How time flies, and how the last year has changed us. I wished you were there to see our younger friends act. It was rather delightful.

I wish you all the best and apologize for this rather long-winded letter.

Missing you royally,

Queen Dolores

p.s. I wish everyone peace and happiness today.

Letter From King Flynn 9/10/11

Sat, 10 Sep 2011 22:32:38 -0400

My Dearest Queen,

Allow me to weave for you a brief tale of woe. A tapestry of heartache, so to speak. A tapestry woven by a little old lady whose fingers bled as she constructed this masterpiece of misery, chuckling to herself the whole while about how funny it would be to give this tapestry to a king for his great hall without him realizing that it was inked in with her wretched blood.

Today marked a milestone in muck as I set myself to the task of acquiring the necessary supplies for my beginning drawing class. I began by sending my messenger hawk forth to the great marketplace known to most peasants these days as “the internet,” seeking a few simple supplies. Upon discovering that one of the vendors would not accept my royal debit card for payment, I set out into the town to visit the vendor in person. However, as I was riding my two-wheeled transport device, a rain storm blew in, bringing the temperature down to an discomforting fourty-two degrees and soaking my person thoroughly. Moreover, I was misguided by the directions I’d received from the vendor to reach the supply establishment and became hopelessly lost and cold. Eventually I decided to simply turn back and return to my quarters, but not without the bitter taste of defeat building up in my mouth, forcing me to spit upon my fate.

While today marks a rather unsavory loss on my part, I fully intend to acquaint myself with the local marketplace’s layout by having my hawk bring me more maps of the area. I will be triumphant tomorrow.

In other news, all is going fairly well with my classes. No one has yet uncovered my secret identity, thus my humble peasant disguise continues to be effective. In my climbing class, we learned crack climbing, which essentially consists of cramming one’s hands and feet into cracks in the wall and wedging oneself in place, using gravity and tension to hold oneself up. It’s even harder than it sounds. Indeed, one student’s hands were so badly chafed that they began to bleed. I avoided such a fate through generous use of chalk. My new climbing equipment is truly putting my old gear to shame.

That’s really about all there is to write about for now. I do hope you’re safe from the fires back home.

Royally Yours,

King Flynn

love y'all's tats! missin ya both

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 02:23:00 -0400

But… Royal subject… that is not a question. It’s just a statement. Moreover, it’s not even a full-on fact. It’s… AN OPINION

But it’s a splendid opinion, and worthy of our Majesty, so I’ll let it slide, humble subject.

- King Flynn

ROYAL DECREE: Click here to follow us on twitter!

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 21:53:30 -0400

ROYAL DECREE: Click here to follow us on twitter!:

King Flynn and I have recently created a twitter. Please follow us! Tell your friends (and fellow royal subjects) to follow us! Your hunting dogs and messenger hawks! We’ll let you know when we update our blogs and post random happenings across our kingdom.

The matching tattoos King Flynn and I acquired before he...

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 20:08:34 -0400

The matching tattoos King Flynn and I acquired before he embarked upon his journey to the land of Alaska. Yep, yep. They’re real!

A quick Correspondence between Monarchs

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 01:12:53 -0400

This is a brief sample of our most recent conversation, conveyed by extremely fast messenger hawks. Seriously, these are royally-bred birds of prey. They fly fast. Really fast. So fast. You don't even get it.

King Flynn: arctic survival class doesn't start till late october
Queen Dolores: I was about to ask why the arctic class started so late
and then I realized that the weather wouldn't allow for a proper learning environment until then... haha
King Flynn: Yep
And it's my farthest class, too
Queen Dolores: how far?
King Flynn: Not exactly sure, but it's basically on the very edge of campus
Queen Dolores: suckssss
King Flynn: Whatever, gives me time to feel awesome on my way to class
Queen Dolores: haha
best possible way to look at it
King Flynn: That's how I live my life
Queen Dolores: So great
King Flynn: I find the best possible way to look at everything
It got me through high school
Queen Dolores: yeah
there's always some good in one situation or another really
King Flynn: Yep
Unless you're getting raped by a dinosaur
Queen Dolores: yeah
okay
fair point
King Flynn: that one's a little hard to find a bright side of
Queen Dolores: but I mean... if you get pregnant... then you have human-dinosaur hybrid babies
And
let's face it
That may not be soooo bad
King Flynn: Okay
True
But for me, that;s a little less likely
Considering
You know
My complete, utter, and total lack of ovaries
Or a uterus
Queen Dolores: if it were a female dinosaur raping you, then you could get her pregnant
duh
King Flynn: But she'd get all protective of them and get dinosaur custody
Which is basically "if you get near these kids I will fucking eat you alive and feed you to them"
And that kinda sucks
I like not being eaten
Queen Dolores: fuck man
those custody rulings always fuck over the man
haha
King Flynn: Dude
Tell me about it
I'm not even allowed to see my merchildren except on weekends
I also can't breathe underwater long enough to spend quality time with them on our weekends together
Fucking merpeople courts
And I have to pay child support in the form of killing off the crews of all the small fishing vessels that go near that little cove
I mean seriously
I fucking murder for those kids
You'd think they'd let me actually spend time with them
Queen Dolores: assholes
why doesn't anyone understand?
When will people open their goddamn eyes?
You're just doing your fatherly duties!
King Flynn: And you just know that if they get eaten by sharks, that glubbity bitch will blame it on me. I seriously need to ditch the alias I used when I had those kids and get away. They can't follow me on land.
Which is why I moved to Fairbanks
In case that wasn't clear
Queen Dolores: Went into Merwitness protection? Goddamn
I knew it
King Flynn: More like
Merbitch protection

LETTER FROM QUEEN DOLORES 9/3/11

Sat, 03 Sep 2011 23:32:00 -0400

Dearest King,

You are missed here in the burning hell-hole (triple digit weather, and it’s SEPTEMBER) that our once beautiful Austin, Texas has become. How hot it is here, how thirsty the barren land is. Nevermind that, though.

I am sincerely proud of your rock climbing badass-ery and I find it to be yet another example of your general greatness. It is no surprise to me that you managed to kick ass and obtain your rec center permit so easily!

I must say that I empathize with how you feel about your Survey of Wildlife Science class, honestly. My Intro to the Liberal Arts course (Ideas and Innovations) is much the same. Although the subject matter is interesting, I’m finding it hard to pay attention in a class of 110 students like myself. But to be fair, the remainder of my classes are really quite small. It’s a much more suitable learning environment for a Queen like myself. I do really love the campus at St. Edwards though. My royal calves are gonna be so fit by the end of the semester, what with the school being atop a hill and all.

I am also glad to hear of your new bicycle! How marvelous it must be to ride around in the 60-degree weather (just looked up your weather conditions…) you appear to be getting. I assume the temperatures will be steadily dropping over the next few weeks up there.

I await to hear of your experiences in your other classes, as well as your social undertakings up north. Update soon, my liege.

Your fellow Monarch of Swag,

Queen Dolores

Letter from King Flynn: 9/3/11

Sat, 03 Sep 2011 20:05:00 -0400

To My Queen Dolores,

All is well in the Kingdom of Fairbanks, Alaska. The first few days of my adventure have been exhilarating. After familiarizing myself with the locale and my new living quarters, I set to the task of embarking on my initial educational adventures, the first of which being Beginning Rock Climbing. Child’s play as far as this Monarch of Cool is concerned. Upon revealing that I have been climbing on and off for about ten years, the instructor recognized my monarchical prestige and offered that I could instead embark upon a journey within the Advanced Rock Climbing class — an offer which I readily accepted. I then set myself to the task of earning my certification for using the rec center’s climbing wall, a task which I naturally excelled at.

The next day I ventured out to Survey of Wildlife science, which is primarily a lecture based timesink, but a necessary timesink nonetheless. Alas.

And today I obtained a bicycle in order that I might embark upon my daily trips with greater ease while simultaneously maintaining my kingly physique.

In short, all is well in my corner of the Kingdom. I sincerely hope the same can be said of yours.

Your fellow Monarch of Cool,

King Flynn